COLE Donovan Lorraine Bethel Stephen David Grace-Michelle COLE

The book of Proverbs is rich with insight about daily living, or life “under the sun”--an expression from Ecclesiastes. It speaks about many of the human relationships to which we are accustomed, not the least of which is the family relationship. One family relationship that gets particular or extensive attention in the Proverbs is the father-child relationship. Assuming that the father and child (son) referred to throughout the book of Proverbs, have the kind of father-child relationship that we would like to have, let us look at one aspect of their relationship to see what it may be able to contribute towards strengthening our own father-child relationships.

It goes almost without saying that fathers have a lot to contribute to the physical, emotional, and spiritual stability of their children. Among five (5) principles reported by researchers on family issues to be important (principles which are all found in the Word of God), is the father. The other four are love, discipline example, and consistency. A key ingredient to a stable child then, is the role that the father plays within the family. That role will involve among other things, material support (1 Timothy 5:8), emotional sensitivity (Colossians 3:21), training and instruction (Ephesians 6:4), as well as consistency in discipline (Hebrews 12:9), example (Proverbs 25:26), and love.

Some fathers see the role of financial or material support to be the most important of their tasks. Others see it as their only task, while others wisely view material support as one of a number of important tasks of fatherhood. (Sadly, there are also those who do not give material support to their children whether they deem it important r not.) In our Caribbean society where the phenomenon of the visiting father is so prevalent, it is easy to understand why some would see material support as the only task of fatherhood, for material and financial support can be given without being in close contact with the child. Most other roles that a father should play are done effectively only in situations where frequent contact with the child or children is the norm, as is potentially the case when a father resides with his family.

The father in the book of Proverbs apparently is in frequent touch with his child, and is aware of the world in which his child lives. He knows the good and the bad in the child and in the world, and he spends a good part of his time discussing, listening, conversing, and just plain talking with his child. He is a father who communicates This then is the aspect that I would like for those of us who are fathers to take a look at i.e. the things that the Proverbial father found time to speak or communicate with his child about. Here are five of them: WISDOM, WINE, WOMEN, WEALTH, and the WICKED.

Two contrasting observations can be made from reading some of the passages in Proverbs where father speaks to child about wisdom. On the one hand, the child is encouraged to seek after wisdom, and on the other, he is warned not to be wise in his own eyes.

Father warns against the misuse of wine, but also indicates when wine may be appropriate.

The adulteress is painted the same ugly way by this father as many of us would paint her: sweet as honey, “sipple” as a banana skin, and as smooth talking as a con-man. Yet he speaks with disarming charm about a woman of noble character, extolling her virtues, and lauding on her all the praise that she rightly deserves.

And what of riches? . . . they have worth and value, but Oh! so quickly they take wings and fly away, and so are not to be entrusted with the affection of the heart.

Graphic contrasts are made between the expectation of the wicked and the end of the wicked. He pleads with his son not ot envy the wicked, nor to enter the way of the wicked.

One thing that immediately strikes me about the Proverbial father is that he talks to his child. He actually opens his mouth in possibly the private audience of his child and words come out!!! On a more serious note, there are insights to be gained from looking at what is said. Firstly, he shows both sides of each concern. He is not one-eyed, harping on the bad at all times, or dwelling exclusively on what appears to be good. Quite to the contrary, he exposes through discussion, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the indifferent things that his child is likely to encounter in life. through counsel, the Proverbial father makes effort to protect his child from evil, yet brings the very evil influences in a non-endangering way before the eyes of his child. The father then is a man of balance in his treatment of the issues of life.

Secondly, he reminds his son about important choices. Certain themes are repeated over and over, certainly not to nag but to place appropriate emphasis on the critical issues. Some decisions are made to stand as more important than others.

Thirdly, the way in which he speaks to his son is an indication that he acknowledges the fact that his son will do his own choosing. The fact that the father pleads with his son not to forsake the teaching is testimony that his son could do just that. There is definitely a sense of mutuality of respect hinted at in the language used. This respect for his son’s decision-makiing stands as an affirmation of the worth and human dignity of his son.

Fourthly, he does not threaten his son, but pleads, warns, and encourages, for he knows that disaster that can overtake a disobedient child (30:17). It is not his (the father’s) threat. There is nothing personal such as “If you don’t listen to me, I will do such and such to you”. Rather, the harsh consequences of rebellion are pointed out.

Not only are the ideas discussed between father and child important, but they are possibly controversial. I suppose we can imagine this Daddy saying to himself “This is too controversial to discuss with my son”. Yet it is almost as if he would rather talk about the controversial than the trite, assuming that his son is old enough to understand.

Which brings us to a sixth point of interest, and that being that he spoke about what ws not only real, but also of interest to his son. Which son does not want to hear his father talk about women?!! Yet how many are getting a distorted picture of the worth of women through deliberate and/or incidental comments that betray a lack of respect for women created (also) in the image of God. This father is no chauvinist.

Finally, here is a father who readily admits that the wealth he may come by, comes ultimately not from his own cunning, his own brains, or his good looks, but from the Lord. The father knows that he is not the Grand master of his destiny. Rather, you get the sense that he communicates to his son the fact of his own accountability. So he says that gain by dishonest means stands under the disapproving judgment of God. This father is honest!!! How this must hearten his son!

How we do need more fathers like this one: honest in dealings and discussion, an affirmer of the worth and dignity of his child, balanced in exposing issues, wise in knowing which issues are real and important and as such spending appropriate time in conversing with his child about them even if they are controversial; a father that opens his mouth not to threaten, but rather to undergird, and to strengthen his link with his child--a link that could someday be valuable in leading his child yo the Father of fathers.

Will you join me in commitment to this type of fatherhood!